Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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