There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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