I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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