glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drake has all the answers
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
