I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
