Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
BRING THE BAGELS
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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