you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
