At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
