$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
this hospital has no fireball
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
