Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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