Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
