i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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