remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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