he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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