I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
