Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
