I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
