i think my tv is drunk
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
