I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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