That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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