Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
