My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
