shes about as inviting as chlamydia
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
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