hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
