i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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