A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
