i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
