dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
