Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
