Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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