Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
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His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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