I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
