If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
