Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
sarcasm needs its own font
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
