So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
