her vagine was all disorganized.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
