My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
