My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
