Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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