just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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