So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
