my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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