Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
