I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
