apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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