What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
