Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
