i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
