you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
