My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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