smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I supernannyed him into submission
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