someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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