Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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