my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
