Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
