i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
