Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
