The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
