they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
