the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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