just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
