the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
