it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
