no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
