He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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