Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
