after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
