I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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