remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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