rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
