It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
