Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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