I can't watch pbs sober anymore
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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