all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
