I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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