Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
