He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
