It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
