I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
"it" just moved
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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